I’ve been on my own since Tuesday morning. That’s when Mom headed back home, which was tough for us both. I saw my primary care physician the day before and he said it was time for me to start gaining back normal life. But let me tell you, it is not coming easy. I’m struggling physically and spiritually. But the support of all my family and friends has just made all the difference. I’ve been taken such good care of through prayer support, housework, meals, and more! There have been plenty of tears produced in the last few weeks for bad reasons but the ones that come when I think about how blessed I am are happy ones.
I returned to work on Wednesday but I’m only cleared for partial days. I made it about three hours that day and then four on Thursday and Friday. The problem is my head really starts to swim with any stimulation or activity. I have to go back home and lay down. I’m basically resigning myself to live with this “new normal” for the long term. My stepdad, a retired RN, rightly thinks I’m still recovering from the meningitis. Offers the hope that one day I’ll just wake up and, in going about my day, realize I haven’t been light headed any more. That day can’t come soon enough, even as well as I’ve been doing. I just can’t seem to shake that woozy medicine head feel.
I have been getting a little better every day. I can see improvements, however small. Going to go to church tomorrow and enjoy the Christmas musical, though I’ll not be taking on my usual duties in the sound booth. I’m not all that sure I can commit to full work days come Monday either. If not, I’ll have to contact my doctor again for a work excuse but he is already prepared for it. I’m the one who actually talked him into just putting partial days through yesterday. That was dumb. I have my final follow up with him on the 19th.
I’ve had a trip to Dallas next Saturday planned for a while now but as of today, I don’t know if I’m up to making it. I booked an AM flight to Dallas, going to see my first home Dallas Stars game at 1 pm, then taking the last flight back to Little Rock. Worked out a little more than driving and staying overnight, but it’s much more convenient. I can’t get a refund on the flight if I don’t feel up to it but I can change it. Can always go to a game next spring. I just don’t think I’ll know until it’s time, so we’ll just have to see.
I’m dealing with so much right now in just recovering, but also another issue of adversity that I’ll not go into here. It all threatens to overwhelm me. My heart rate really hasn’t settled down with this distraction. And I know the answer is to take each day at a time. God is my source of strength, peace, and wisdom. I pray for those three things every day. Multiple times a day. It’s just hard when it doesn’t feel like there’s any resolutions. But James 1 stays at the center of my mind, that trials are given to produce endurance of faith. And Psalm 73, that God is my portion when my flesh and heart fail. And so I trust, I wait, I take it a day at a time, and I set my eyes on the Father. It’s all I can do.